It's funny how we take maturity to mean not sharing our thoughts, our sadness with others. Whereas, we share our joy with others, even people we do not know. I've seen people move to their Instagram pages with good news, when things are going on well for them and when they have any problem they wouldn't talk about it to anyone at all, not to talk of sharing it with anyone.
Don’t get me wrong, I am not saying people should air out their dirty linen in public. No! You don’t have to upload your sadness or pain but you can tell someone about it. I know some people can be very annoying, once you tell them something personal in confidence, you hear people whispering about it anywhere you go. However, I don’t think it is possible for everyone you know to have that same orientation of circulating things you’ve told them in confidence. I don’t understand why people consider suffering in silence as being strong and keep up with it. Yes, it is being strong. But you only suffer in silence when there is no where to get help. When their is assurance for help, the best thing to do is to get that help without second thoughts. One reason why people keep things inside of them under the guise of being strong is because after they’ve told these people, they don’t get help whatsoever from them. Most of the time, the most they get is a pat on the back and the statement “you’ll be fine”. It’s all so annoying when they will be the one prodding you to talk and then you’ll say everything, there will be an intake of breadth and silence and a “God will do it or keep trusting the process”. They have no idea was talking and sharing means to you that shared, they have no idea it makes you feel naked and ashamed, more so, the fact that they took it in like some other stories they’ve heard everyday. Some even go ahead to tell you that some have it worse than you do like that is supposed to make it feel better. They don’t understand that the person who has gone through worse than you have is not you and will never be you and your responses to situations differ. They don’t know that the pain and discomfort you must have felt might have been stronger than what the other person felt, going through the same ordeal. Another reason is Jest. When a person opens up to some people, they feel like they are better than off and start making jest. Some people even say “Thank God my life is not like yours”, sarcastically like it’s all okay, whereas it is not. Then, they go.around telling others, telling them how strong you are and what it is you are going through, when you had just revealed it to them in confidence. The last reason I know about is excommunication. Some people will coax you to tell them what is up with you and once you have unleashed your demons, they flee from you like you are the appearance of evil the bible advised against. Whereas, they are not responsible for how their life turned out, they were just victims of circumstances. I remember a time I was going through a lot and I met who a friend who made me open up about everything I was going through. Throughout our conversation she kept on saying “You’re so strong, urging me on. After our conversation, she promised me a lot of things and we even talked to each other over the phone about it for the next one week. After that week, anytime I call or chat her up, there’s usually no response. One day, I accidentally saw her somewhere and the way she looked at me with contempt, you would think i had stolen from her before. I felt so down that day because when I even tried to greet her, (based on the Yoruba adage that says the eyes that identified someone cannot day it does not recognize the person again) she didn’t respond. If I was not a self confident person, I might have been depressed. All in all, I believe being strong is overrated, we should not abuse someone or take them for granted or overlook the fact that they are suffering inside on the premise that they are strong. They may appear strong in the outside but they may have reached breaking point and might have started bleeding inside.
It's funny how we take maturity to mean not sharing our thoughts, our sadness with others. Whereas, we share our joy with others, even people we do not know. I've seen people move to their Instagram pages with good news, when things are going on well for them and when they have any problem they wouldn't talk about it to anyone at all, not to talk of sharing it with anyone.
Don’t get me wrong, I am not saying people should air out their dirty linen in public. No! You don’t have to upload your sadness or pain but you can tell someone about it. I know some people can be very annoying, once you tell them something personal in confidence, you hear people whispering about it anywhere you go. However, I don’t think it is possible for everyone you know to have that same orientation of circulating things you’ve told them in confidence. I don’t understand why people consider suffering in silence as being strong and keep up with it. Yes, it is being strong. But you only suffer in silence when there is no where to get help. When their is assurance for help, the best thing to do is to get that help without second thoughts. One reason why people keep things inside of them under the guise of being strong is because after they’ve told these people, they don’t get help whatsoever from them. Most of the time, the most they get is a pat on the back and the statement “you’ll be fine”. It’s all so annoying when they will be the one prodding you to talk and then you’ll say everything, there will be an intake of breadth and silence and a “God will do it or keep trusting the process”. They have no idea was talking and sharing means to you that shared, they have no idea it makes you feel naked and ashamed, more so, the fact that they took it in like some other stories they’ve heard everyday. Some even go ahead to tell you that some have it worse than you do like that is supposed to make it feel better. They don’t understand that the person who has gone through worse than you have is not you and will never be you and your responses to situations differ. They don’t know that the pain and discomfort you must have felt might have been stronger than what the other person felt, going through the same ordeal. Another reason is Jest. When a person opens up to some people, they feel like they are better than off and start making jest. Some people even say “Thank God my life is not like yours”, sarcastically like it’s all okay, whereas it is not. Then, they go.around telling others, telling them how strong you are and what it is you are going through, when you had just revealed it to them in confidence. The last reason I know about is excommunication. Some people will coax you to tell them what is up with you and once you have unleashed your demons, they flee from you like you are the appearance of evil the bible advised against. Whereas, they are not responsible for how their life turned out, they were just victims of circumstances. I remember a time I was going through a lot and I met who a friend who made me open up about everything I was going through. Throughout our conversation she kept on saying “You’re so strong, urging me on. After our conversation, she promised me a lot of things and we even talked to each other over the phone about it for the next one week. After that week, anytime I call or chat her up, there’s usually no response. One day, I accidentally saw her somewhere and the way she looked at me with contempt, you would think i had stolen from her before. I felt so down that day because when I even tried to greet her, (based on the Yoruba adage that says the eyes that identified someone cannot day it does not recognize the person again) she didn’t respond. If I was not a self confident person, I might have been depressed. All in all, I believe being strong is overrated, we should not abuse someone or take them for granted or overlook the fact that they are suffering inside on the premise that they are strong. They may appear strong in the outside but they may have reached breaking point and might have started bleeding inside.
Some times, when I remember how sick some people are (upstairs, I mean, sick in the head), I feel so sick (not their type o) and irritated at the same time. A little enjoyment of yours could take away all the years of joy and light of another person and envelope it with sadness and darkness! The few people who go out of rape, seemingly unscratched will have some defaults in their system and thinking. Some of them, even though they end up well (in terms of the general definition of successful), they will either become a door mat, that is those who put others so much above themselves in self sacrifice that they care less about themselves, they will leave whatever it is they are doing, cancel all their plans, once someone needs them. That's their normal. Or, they become an enigma. They give themselves so much to work, so that they have little time to think and reflect. They have little time for their family and focus on work. Once a task is done, they pick another. If they are wealthy enough, they travel the world for business as a distraction in order for them not to have time to wallow in the past. As a human being you will always reflect on the past, sometimes. What matters is your mood of reflection, do you reflect to get sad and dampen your mood or do you reflect with a grateful heart? Do you reflect in tears or smiles or even laughter? It is the attitude and position of the mind that really matters. For others, they also because rapists, perpetrating in the evil that has been perpetrated against them or engage in other vices. Some of these victims become victims of other rapists. I really do not understand how (because I am not a rapist🤷♀️) but rapist identify rape victims. Such that if a person was raped in America and travels down to Nigeria, if a Nigerian rapist sees such a person, they will know that such a person has been raped before and the information induces them to keep up the work of the America rapist and also rape the person as well. (I hope you get the gist)🤔
I was in a criminal law class and our lecturer was lecturing us on rape. She told us a story of the incidence that happened a very long time ago to a young girl who was once a student at the University of Ibadan. This girl rented an apartment at a lecturers BQ, which is common among UI students who are unable to secure accommodation in the halls of residence or do not like the living arrangements there. She was a good student and neighbour to those living around her. In fact, she was close to the owners of the BQ who took her in as their own daughter. On a certain day, she was coming from lessons or probably from fellowship when a group of guys attacked her and raped her. The lecturer and his wife who noticed that she was not back at night decided to go out to look for her. They found her unconscious around the road and rushed her to the hospital where she was taken care of. Once the lecturer and his wife were assured of her safety, they went back home. The next morning, they visited the girl and as the wife was trying to advise the girl on what happened and informing her that she was to follow them to the station to make a statement as they already filed a report. The girl denied being raped and at the insistence of the woman, the girl ran away stating she was not raped. Her own manner of coping as a rape victim is denial. However, for those who did not have the stated coping mechanisms, or more, if there are, they wallow in pain for life unless they totally find God. His yoke is heavy and his burden is light for he is the burden bearer. In God, they find peace of mind, total peace of mind. If they partially find God, it is still not enough therapy. I’ll have to let you know that a thousand sessions with the psychiatrist or therapist cannot heal the wound caused by rape for it is like a pit full of bees that swallows up the victim and eats at them in bites. That’s why some people come put after 50 years that they have been raped to voice out their pain and seek justice against the rape offenders. Although, some time it is a publicity stunt, other times it is not. It is because it was at that point they came to terms with the fact that they have been raped, they accept that they are rape victims. Some rape victims commit suicide after years they have been raped. Even though prior their suicide they have lived a good life by the standard of others who do not know the baggage they have been carrying all their life. Once they snap, they do anything. There are things that can trigger them. For Some of them, when their partners try to have sexual intercourse with them, they suddenly snap and If they lost control, they will kill their partner before they calm down and realise that their partner is not a predator. All these and more is what they do to cope with rape, all because of someone else’s one minute, 2 minutes or 5 minutes, they carry emotional, physical, social and psychological burden. Last week, the following hashtags were trending everywhere; #justiceforuwa #nomeansno #say no to rape #justiceforazizat. Even though we are clamouring for justice, their neighbours and those that have direct interaction with these girls and their families will still make hear of them and there is no higher castigation than that. They make them feel ashamed, feel guilty that they were raped. This shame kills faster than the fact that they were raped. In as much as the law also works for us in recent times to provide justice for rape victims by punishing offenders and caring for victims, no one can know exactly how a victim feels at all. Even fellow rape victims cannot know how a particular rape victim feels as our responses to situations differ. Therefore, we cannot apply the same tactic to deal with each victims of rape. Conclusively, instead of us to be canvassing against men, we should rather canvas against rapists. I read this book, Trust me by Lesley Pearce and I realized that there is so much evil in this world, not only to girls but to boys and it is so much more difficult for them because they are conditoned to man up in all situations. Generally, victims of rape do not speak up after they’ve been raped. However, statistics show that girls speak up more than boys do. My plea to rapists is that they stop raping people, if you really need to have sex, go to brothels, prostitutes and male escorts, they are over willing to have sex with strangers. My plea to the public, stop shaming victims! Victims of rape, speak out and get help. Peace!
Man is inherently evil and from time to time, there will be a strong need to exude the violence in him (This is propelled by a drive of a force of need to rebel, the reason for this will be topic for another day). I believe that a human being is referred as one because he us not an animal and is not expected to behave as such. Essentially, what differentiates us as humans from animals, as vital to this topic, is our free will, ability to reason and most importantly, our sense of control. A Man with a very low level of intelligence is still of an bigger reasoning capability as opposed to animals. As human beings, we are sexual beings. I think this is obvious in our physical and biological make up. We have sexual hormones and organs to explore our sexual needs. However, unlike animals, we are not conditioned to a certain period such as “heat period” and all. As a result of our distinguishing qualities, most especially, control, we don’t pounce on our partners the way animals do that is why a man/ woman cannot see a man/woman on the road and pounce on him/her like it is with hens and cocks and vice versa, we are not dogs/bitches on heat that will do anything to relieve sexual frustration. No one is stopping anyone from sexual exploration. Some countries of the world are very liberal about the topic, which is why we have over 40 specialities in existence currently and diverse sexual clubs (groups as well). Therefore, having sexual relations with whomever you choose is no hassle as long as the person is willing and consents to the act. Ps: it is important to note that the person consenting must be capable of giving consent to such am act and capacity varies from state to state and country to country. Rape occurs when a person penetratesor touches a part of a person’s body for sexual reasons with any part of a person’s for sexual reasons/ pleasure with any part of their own body or any thing such as fingers, candles, pen, effigies etc. I wonder why people still go through the struggle of rape, causing another person pain, diseases, internal damage, suicide, emotional trauma, death, psychological defect, hopelessness etc when they can have sex with a willing person. Rape is a very wide topic and can occur at any point in time. The fact that someone has sex with you at all times does not make the person readily available to you for sex at all times. Consent us necessary and once it is not given, it is rape. A husband can rape his wife and vice versa (although, this rule is not applicable in Nigeria yet). So, that goes to say that you can rape your girlfriend/boyfriend, even a prostitute can be raped and consent can be withdrawn after foreplay or even during sex. Having someone work for you as a domestic staff or contractual staff does not make you Lord over their sexual organs, to coma nd go as you please unless they want you to and allow you to. The fact that they are silent does not mean they have consented. And consent because of fear of what you can do. Giving in to sexual advances because of fear is not consent, it amounts to rape. You being someone’s parent, guardian, god-father, god-mother, whether formally on informally does not give you sexual providence of their bodies. Seeing a woman walking on a lonely road at night does not give you leverage to have forced sex with them, putting them in eternal misery. The fact that a girl dressed provocatively does not mean she’s putting on a show or advertising for you and your friend to rape like a buy one get one free promo. She did not dress that way because she knows you are lurking around the corner and expects you to jump her like a sexually frustrated pig, no. That is where control comes in as a distinguishing quality. There is the need to change the mentality that because you are visiting a guys house you are expecting him to have sex with you. Because, I have heard a lot of “kí ni òun náà ń wá lo sí ilé è ?(Why did she go to his house?)”statements after a report of rape. This statement does not make people speak up after they are raped. I know of a girl who did not tell her family members she was raped till date because she visited the guy. Visiting you, in fact traveling a thousand miles or more or less to visit you is not an invitation to treat, it’s not an avenue for you to rape me. Rape is not just about visitations and dressings. Years BC, Dinah, Jacob’s daughter was raped at a time when clothing was a long flowing gown with long bell sleeves, sames as the centuries where layers and layers of clothing were worn, there were countless incidence of rape as with recent times. If dressing and visitation was really the excuse, what is the excuse of raping young girls and boys? Children? Babies? A woman once told me of how she was bathing her little girl in front of her shop and a man passing by saw the naked girl and got hardimmediately. If the girl was alone, what would have happened? I don’t know. We all respond differently to things, our sexual drives and libido differs, our level of self control is different as well but we can always control ourselves. The sense of control that you exhibit that doesn’t make you jump in front of a moving car to death, that doesn’t make you fall into a ditch or into an inferno or the sea, please exhibit it when you see a fine specimen of God’s creation. Don’t be a predatator praying on people. My submission is this; it is never the victim’s fault no matter the circumstance, the fault lies in the rape offender, who failed to exercise control. Stop blaming victims! Stop shaming victims! Stop using people in the heat of sexual need for they carry an eternal baggage in exchange for your few minutes of pleasure!!!
Your looks says a lot about you but what do you say about it? You sit in front of the mirror all day, trying on every cloth, changing earrings, styling and restyling your hair but you are still unable to achieve that look you saw online yesterday yet you keep trying until you clean everything in frustration, jump on your bed and go to sleep, all sad. I remember a time when thickness (òròbò) was celebrated, a lady should be fat and fleshy, all round for her to be considered beautiful. It was a bad time for skinny ones. They stuffed their faces with all sort of food, still there was no change. Peak milk at that time, I heard was so thick and creamy. Yet they finish a pack in two days in a bid to be fleshy. Then some company sensing their dilemma saw it as a good opportunity to make money and decided to make something that will give the women ample results; the fat enhancing pills. We Yorubas call it mowú mowú. After using these pills, the women got fatter, although it didn’t work for some and it made some look bloated and abnormal as the results did not balance. There came a time wherein light skin was it, beauty was judged by light complexion or the lack of it. I had an aunt whose skin color was that of a mixture of chocolate dipped in condensed milk. When she saw that light skin was the definition of beauty, she bleached until she was so white and her skin so soft like tissue paper. Did it make her more beautiful? In my own opinion, her chocolate condensed milk complexion was unique to her and complemented her. She was happy flaunting her newly acquired light skin until babies started running away from her and a woman voiced out that she looked like a corpse. Fast forward to when being slim (lèpa) became the definition of beauty. People got and are still getting all types of slimming tea and are on several diets. Of course, it’s good to be healthy buy not at the expense of causing damage to your body. And right now, beauty is defined by slim waist, round butts and big thighs, melanin skin. For men, chiseled abs, six packs and beards. A lot of people strive hard to keep up with these definition of beauty and end up being depressed and frustrated. I think the mistake we make is asking people whether we are beautiful. The cross as made us flawless. God looked at everything he hath made and saw that it was good, the bible reads. The fact that you do not look a bit like that guy or lady you saw on Instagram does not make you ugly. You don’t go around asking the world whether you are beautiful! You tell the world, you show the world you are beautiful! They may not accept it immediately but they will eventually accept it the way the world sees Beyoncé as queen the way Lupita Nyongo is celebrated! The way Michelle Obama and Chimamanda Adichie are applauded! Beauty goes beyond the outside, it is internal. Your energy and personality weaves your beauty. Be authentic! The fact that the icing on the cake is well decorated does not mean the cake will be fluffy or delicious.
Beauty does not lie in the eyes of the beholder, it exists in the heart, mind and soul of the bearers.
As many of us who are not "lucky" enough to be the only child of our parents, I am certain that you are familiar with the term sibling rivalry as what is obtainable in most homes (I spent a large period of my childhood wishing I was an the only child).
When parents have more than one child, separating fight and dispute is inevitable.
Although, some children become best friend and protectors of their siblings, others do not become buddies with their siblings. Instead however, they secretly wish that the other sibling was not born.. Usually, this desire is not as a result of hatred for the sibling or as a result of malice but it comes out of a a show of personal will to own the parents without sharing i.e, to not have to share the parent's with any other person.
More often than not, sibling rivalry starts at the foetus stage of the another child. The pregnant mother takes extra care so to ensure nothing happens to the foetus and the child notices that the, parent's attention seems divided,there and then, rivalry begins.
Rivalry between siblings is not in anyway abnormal. However, the abnormality sets in when the rivalry is no longer playful healthy but toxic like streams which flow from a mindset of pure hatred mind. When a couple buy a pet with the hope of learning parenting skills from their interaction with the pet before deciding to birth thier own,studies shows that even pets portray this characteristic at the arrival of a new baby in a family.
Therefore, sibling rivalry is normal as children feel the need to compete for their parents parents attention, love, affection, praises, encouragement etc. There is are also disputes and arguments as to who is more g attractive, intelligent, likeable, fun, sound etc. These arguments surfaces comes up from time to time, especially when they are of the same gender and continues even after the siblings grow up.
The main reasons for the fights and rivalry is attributed to as a result proceeds from of jealousy and unhealthy competition. A child could become jealous of the way his or her parents treat the other sibling(s) on the basis of favouritism and then, starts to compete with that other sibling to attain that level of favouritism , , exhibiting anger and frustration in communicating his or her view, trying to beat the sibling at school, sport, games and extra curricular activities to prove that they are the better one.
There is also the issue of temperaments and behavioural patterns. Children have several and different temperaments. Even twins do not share the same temperaments. Some children may be clingy, some moody, some free and some are loners. It is normal for clingy child to always want to be with the parent's and this by cause resentment of that child by the other sibling(s) as they would want attention too. This attention they crave might not be as a result of their personality but as a result of their sibling's actions and parents' response. As they grow, there will be clashes when they do not understand and respect one another's behaviour and character amongst other things. Siblings argue when they take each other's things, complain that someone gets the bestof what their parents bring and they settle amongst one another or with their parents intervention. But what causes it when sibling rivalry escalates, such that it is not just about competing for parents or visitor's attention, when siblings have nothing but pure hatred for one another(such that their parent's intervention does not cut it and God's intervention is needed), even when they are old and independent? Is it still sibling rivalry when a sibling wishes the other(s) ill-luck or death? What brings about it? Is it the parent's fault or the children's fault or because they are not religious? What exactly is the root? Your comments wil
As little children, we lived in confidence, acted in confidence, we breathed confidence! In fact, our middle name was confidence. I mean we excreted whenever we wanted to with no cares or worry in the world. Sometimes we even peed in our parents’ faces while they changed our diapers, we threw up into their mouth while they tried to kiss us and all. That was who we were and we were not afraid to show who we are to anyone, we were not hiding, we felt perfect, we were confident.
When visitors would come and try to pick us up, we did not allow just anyone to pick us up/ carry us however they wanted, we cried when we don’t want a certain person carrying us, we laughed with some and made angry faces at others. No matter how much a person wanted to be with us, we decided whether or not we wanted to with our only voice, our smiles, our laughs, our tears. As we grew older, we started attending preschool, for some, day care, pre nursery, nursery school, kindergarten etc and things started getting real. Things started happening we couldn’t wrap our minds around. Some kids do not want to sit with us or play with us or even talk to us because we cried too much, laughed too much, ate too much, had mucus trickling down our nose etc. But despite all this we still had our confidence, we just cope with it and remain happy because happiness is the essence of the whole concept of being a child and just wait till mummy or daddy or both of them or relations or even staffs come to pick us from school. During that period, we did not spend much time in school, we stay home more often and we still have at least one person on our side listening to us. So we just sulk our anger away, play again, laugh. Our confidence was still there, for some more prominent than the other. We let our belly hang out (seems like kids have big bellies), we don’t cover our skin in sweatshirt, we don’t overdose on weight loss or weight gain pills, we do not get high to feel elated. But you crossed over from nursery school to primary school, elementary school or middle school and boom there are group of friends and you do not belong to any group or you do but your group of friends are not who you wanted to be with, you just happened to be with them because no one else wants to be your friend and you guys are there for each other. Like, helping one another our of a friendless situation. You start asking your mum why yourself why your class mates do not want to play with you, think over and over about what you have done but you can’t seem to decipher. They start getting to you and you feel it cut through your flesh, their thoughts and all You soon get admitted into secondary school or high school, cliques got bigger and meaner some of those in your uncool circle got cooler and don’t want to be friends again and you start to sink lower into yourself as you start to loose your confidence shred by shred and as maturity comes you loose every bit of it. Several teenage problems being the factor, weight, shape, color, hair, eyes, mouth, nose, disability, intelligence or lack of it, boyfriend or girlfriend or lack of it, PHE ability and so on. These factor and so much more makes you loose your confidence. Forgetting we are more than that. In fact we are gifts from God. The scriptures says every good and perfect gifts cone from God. We are from. God, we are good and perfect. We don’t need validations. We need scriptural validations, know our talents, understand our purpose and go for it.
It would have been wonderful if we keep being babies without growing up till we die however, that cannot be the case because growth is inevitable except for those who die at a tender age. I know a lot of people have said countless times that “as you see yourself, so you are” and this same message has spread around so many times that if it was to be believed self doubts is supposed to be long gone in history but sadly, no matter how many times it’s said, it’s difficult to believe because most of those feeding us with the need to have a good self esteem have been birthed with self esteem as their first name and carry it around as their inheritance right? They are our definition of beauty, intelligence, smartness, fitness, talent, craft, art, sense etc. And hearing it come from them sounds like comparing a mud house to a glass house since both are houses, people live there and they are owned by people whereas it is obvious that most people would prefer a glass house to a mud house. Only the poor live in mud houses except when you are on an adventure or it is used for theatrics. One thing is you define yourself. The way you present your self to the world if not immediately, in the long run will effect on how you will be perceived. I wish we could remain that little child that believes he or she can take over the world after mastering the art of using a toy gun, that believes because she’s daddy’s princess she’s exquisitely beautiful, that believes because thier parents called them smart, they are incredibly smart. Trust me, it’s not being delusional. If you can think it, dream it, believe it, you can achieve it. See if you see yourself as meaning the whole world, then you do. If you see yourself gaining the whole world, you can! Of course, Rome was not built in a day and you can’t get everything you want immediately but you can always take baby steps unrelenting and you’ll get your desired aim. Self doubt is a dream killer, it kills every good will you have towards your self and limits the height of aspiration because you’ll just believe that you cannot amount to anything better or do anything better because of certain attributes or weaknesses you have. Not knowing that your weakness can be converted to become your strength. I saw this movie, titled : I feel pretty. There was a lady who was chubby and didn’t like the way she looked at all. She felt she wasn’t going to be loved by anyone because of her looks and also felt she should not be respected since she was fat and desperately wanted to look beautiful. She was working at a company from some kind of underground office and felt it was because of her looks. She kept applying for spaces in the same company outside the underground office but it was not forth coming, even though she was a very smart, brilliant and intelligent lady, beautiful too. On a certain day, she attended a weight loss class where she had some sort of “encounter” as a result of the trainer’s speech. She was getting excited from listening to the trainer that she fell off the machine and hit her head on the ground. On recuperation, she felt beautiful and different. She felt, agile, smaller, slimmer and immediately, she went to the mirror and saw someone different, a slim, beautiful, gorgeous magazine cover like model, even though to all and sundry, she was the same person. As a result of her personal believe that her look has changed and she has a beautiful model-like look, her confidence grew. She heard non-existent cat calls and gave kisses to confused strangers. She got offers thinking it was because of her looks, rather it was because of her boosted confidence and her high self esteemed personality. Anytime she went out with her friends and people looked their way or addressed the trio kindly, she felt it was because of her. She became open, showing off more skin, she became dogged, getting her dream job, she became bold, educating her bosses and fellow workers at board meetings She was not supposed to attend and was loved by her boss and her boss’ family. Her behavioural traits opened an opportunity for her to travel with her boss to be able to speak at a gathering organized by the company for a new brand inspired by her. While getting around things at the venue, she fell and hit her head again and started feeling ugly like before. She didn’t want to see anyone because in her mind of minds, the spell is broken and she has lost her beauty. She even ran away from her friends and boyfriend because she lost said beauty. However, since she already agreed to give a speech at an event before she lost her beauty, she arrived at the conference, in a sad and unpleasant state of mind with two pictures one from when she was beautiful and the other representing her ugly state. She set up the pictures and gave her speech pointing to the pictures at different times to represent beautiful and ugly confusing the audience who are seeing the same person with different hair styles. Due to murmuring from the crowd she had to turn to see the pictures and it was like scales fell from her eyes as she saw she was the same in both pictures. Then she realised that she didn’t need beauty or any other thing. She only needs faith in herself, confidence in herself and she is unstoppable. Furthermore, we are created by God, of God in His own image, wonderfully and beautifully he created us. The Bible makes us believe that “as he is, so are we” . So why has self doubt clouded your mind and judgement about who you are? I am not trying to give you a life instruction manual, I know it is not easy to have lived with years of believing something is wrong with you or you are not good enough and suddenly get a wake up call to believe in “you” and treat you better. It’s not easy to get your self worth now. But practice makes perfect right? There is nothing you know how to do now that you learnt in a day. Just try to look inward and see you are enough, feel you are enough.We can also receive help from self doubts when we look to God through his word. Whenever we doubt ourselves, look to God’s world and internalize it for yourself. For instance, Lola Anikuowo shared something on instagram.
This article is written towards helping you to believe in yourself and understanding the fact that no one will ever love you better than yourself and I hope it has.
So, I heard what I have been hearing for a long time now, “make hay while the sun shines”. This in simple English means “do what you can when you are able to, hustle when you still have the strength”etc. It’s a social media time and the best thing to do in this period is to put the media into use and grab all it can offer. I love talking and some people say that I am a dramatic person while others say that I am a comic. However, only very few people have witnessed my dramatic side, due to the fact that I always wear a serious look. Although, I have few friends that really know as a person and now that coronavirus has kept us all at home, in between sleeping, eating, reading and writing, I believe it’s time to seize this opportunity to do the things that needed and complete the project at hand. I have been trying to complete the a novels for the longest and I believe this is the time to finish it. Ps: when I opened the files, I had to clean it because it was covered with dust and cobwebs. The door to the file cabinet was very hard and stiff to open that I had to oil the door hinges before it could be opened. And just for my own protection I also made use of nose masks. I don’t neighbors next door to misconstrued my sneezing from the dust as a sign of coronavirus. I thought, I should do something to show my comic side. What will be better than a video? On You tube? I don’t have the means for all that yet and a certain someone said you’re not that funny, it’s only your laugh that is funny. So I am making use of what I have, my blog, my only media power to do whatever it is i can do to keep me busy and keep you busy. Ps: don’t let negativity from anyone affect you or deter you from doing anything positive you want to do. What is it that you have been meaning to do all these while and you haven’t been able to, because you think you are not yet good enough, the opportunities out there is not enough, the country is not even making things easy for us etc. These excuses are only thieves of time. There is no human that wouldn’t have just a tiny tid bit opening some where that they can draw a ray of light from. There’s no house that does not have window except back in the days of our great grandfathers where they built a cell block that the Yorubas call “Tubu”, even the thatched and mud houses have windows, it just depends on how much we make use of what we have at our disposal, whether little or grand, it will still yield a form of result. My family friend’s daughter, kind of my niece was having her birthday today, so we decided to visit her for the mini celebration, even though we couldn’t get her gifts. I woke up that morning with a smile on my face, because of the birthday. I don’t know why I was that excited, it was probably the thought of leaving the house that excited me more. I already arranged and ironed the clothes I was going to wear early the morning yesterday, I even cleaned my shoes. All day yesterday, I kept making references to the birthday so much that you would think its a big party whereas, only 8 people would be attending. Around 2:12 pm, we arrived at their house. We greeted the birthday girl and had loads of fun, gisting, laughing, dancing, while it lasted that we forgot that we’ve gone beyond the curfew period (in Ibadan, rather than lockdown, there is curfew. Although, we’ve been practicing the lockdown until it became unbearable) I met an old friend and got talking with her for a long while before going back in to join the celebration and we were still enjoying ourselves until someone pointed it out that time is not on our side. Our house luckily is within a the distance of twenty minutes walk. We walk with other group of people leaving in the same neurborhood which made it easy better. We started a conversation with my aunt on the Covid19 virus and the 6am- 7pm curfew in Oyo state till we reached a checkpoint some policemen stopped us on the way asking us why we were outside at that time. It was around 7:30pm. My aunt explained to one them that she was coming from a small gathering and we had to go back home. The man already allowed us to go, only for us to be stopped by another one, a senior officer. “What are you doing outside by this time, knowing fully well that curfew is on?”. Rather than responding, my aunt switched on the torchlight on her hand and drew it towards her face, just so he could see her face. He was furious as he thought she was trying to see his own face with the light. She explained what she was doing and also explained that she was an NCDC officer. “And so what? Are you not supposed to be law abiding? What are you teaching your nieces and nephews? To be disobedient?” “No sir, we lost track of time, that’s the point here, we didn’t know time has gone”. He asked for her I’D card however, she forgot it at home. The man then called one of his boys to lock us up. Surprisingly, we were all unfazed by the situation. That was how an arguement ensued between him and my aunt. My aunt told him that she would be coming back the same route to go home to her husband and children. He asked us to go, saying that if she comes back she would be in serious trouble. However, my aunt did go back and called us when she arrived home. Two days later, we saw her and she said she wasn’t even stopped alongside a few others while she was returning.
Dumb boys and girls are not exactly those who have speech impediment or those that have mental disabilities. In fact, a dumb boy or girl can be overly book smart and people smart and yet still be dumb.
Dumb people in my opinion are those who feel the strong need to belong. Teenagers who believe that because they have started dating or old enough to date, that gives them the right to misbehave or disrespect others or, engage in vices, such as ? smoking, drinking, dressing provocatively when they are going out to the grocery store or to a party. Someone, who is not smart enough to know when he or she is being exploited or manipulated. They believe that delayed gratification is denied gratification and for this reason they tend chase gratification until their last breadth. They put themselves in situations where they will eventually feel obliged to do things because they feel indebted to someone. People that are dumb tends sell themselves short not realizing their personal worth, believing that they can be bought with a price, which by doing so, they open up themselves to several forms of harm. Dumb people more often than not base their relationships on material and sexual benefits. They are always unsure of who they are and what they want, they just go with the flow and struggle to fit in and blend in, they are moved by the whims and captives of peer pressure. As a child, I was able to recognize dumb stuffs which helped me at an early stage never to do dumb things, and It also helped me as a teenager in my decision making. I may not be the smartest person on earth but dumb people annoy and irritate me. I know no one should be a judge of other people’s character but I’m a confident person sure of what I want, so being dumb infuriated me. I made choices that I did not regret by refusing to be dumb, when I realized what it meant to be dumb. However, despite the fact that I made this resolution and choice on my own, I wanted to shove my choices and way of life down the throat of others, I determined to make others around me like me and who better to make my center than my younger brother. I tried to make my brother like me. I wanted my brother as well to grow up not being dumb, I tried all I could to make him see reasons with me. I’d sit him down, lecture him against things I believes are vices, sort of giving him a product manual/ handler’s book. If I caught him doing something bad at home which most times is inevitable growing up, I’d shout at him, go on and on for days, yelling profanities at him. If I caught him using crazy slangs (lol, there are slangs and there are slangs😁), I’ll flip and haul insults at him. I was never one to have much friends but a few. I totally believed in the saying that says “show me your friend and I will tell you who you are”. I tried passing that on to my brother and because of this, he hid his friends from me. He always calls and receive calls from them whenever am not around. Whenever, we have a conversation we don’t talk about his friends or even mention them. And as the psychologist that I am 😏, I always know as soon as soon as he starts lying. Hence, I became paranoid, I didn’t believe him any longer and I felt he was doing worse than hanging out with friends I didn’t know. It was terrible because he was smart as well, I kept praying to God and asking him to let him see the light. After his graduation from secondary school, he started attending JAMB tutorial. If he tells me he is going to lesson, I’ll follow behind at a far distance to be sure that’s where he actually went to. I didn’t know where else I expected him to be🤦♀️ in fact if he tells me he was going for a church program, I’ll call people at the church to confirm if it was true. At this point my parent’s already advised me to learn to take his word as truth and since we all counsel him, I should leave him alone. However, I was not convinced, I was always following him around but I discovered that despite all my rants and talks, he did what he wanted to do because he his still himself. Although, he chose to adhere to some of my advice, others he did not. He did what he wanted. Despite all my troubles, wandering, stressing myself out, it yielded little of what I wanted it to. As a child, I had grey hair that keeps multiplying. I felt worrying about my brother might even be a contributing factor to the multiplication and my whole hair might become grey before I clock 25 if I refuse to tread softly. Recently, I was going to church with my brother and I asked him if my dress was nice before we left the house and he told me the dress was perfect. However, when we got close to the church, he told me my dress was not good at all and I didn’t look okay, In fact, I look like a “nursing mother”. “Why didn’t you tell me earlier?”, I yelled So what will you do now? Go back home? I was torn and he noticed it, so he said “you always told me to be proud of how i look and be myself regardless of what anyone says, that I shouldn’t hold anything negative to heart but embrace positivity. You told me we are kings because we are responsible for what we allow to get to us and what goes out of us. That is what I do, do the same. I went into the church’s toilet to look in the mirror. Normally, negative opinion of others doesn’t matter to me but opinion from family members count, shouldn’t it? That argument between us was an eye opener, I realized I was the dumb one. It is always easy to tell people how to live their lives, easy to lecture but difficult to practice teachings. I always set a standard for people I meet to a pattern of behaviour and interests and when they fall short of it, I try setting them straight. If it doesn’t work, we part. I forgot that variety is the spice of life and we cannot all be the same. If we were all the same we would not have our identity, our uniqueness. In talking about Christ, I made it so that the other person will feel as worthless as a discarded rag, unfit on earth, unfit for anything, I felt my views were perfect and stream lined them to follow my thought process, I made choices for them. Whenever I am asked for advice, I don’t just give advise, I give you conclusions, ensuring you follow them, choking others up. I thought about everything, monitoring my brother and all and concluded that I was also dumb in trying to shape/ mould my brother’s life, doing the work of God. Even God, The Almighty didn’t make choices for us, he gave us the will to do whatever it was we wanted to do from the Garden of Eden to us having the choice to accept Jesus Christ as our Lord and Savior. He didn’t force it on us, He didn’t shove salvation down our throat or make us love him or serve Him by force even though He has power to, rather, He gave us will. Many times, we are hypocritical, we call others dumb and other names because of stereotypes and all we try to make choices for others. Everyone has their will, they have the right to make their own choices.
Most times we doubt ourselves, we self ourselves short. We feel like or sometimes, believe as well that we are not good enough, strong enough or capable. We feel like we are unworthy or undeserving of the good that comes our way. These feelings of self worth has it’s effect on our lifestyle. It has it’s effect on how much nonsense we allow, how much we allow other people’s words, approval or lack of it. Some of us endure abusive relationships, embrace mediocrity, shrink in obscurity because we believe we are not worth it that we do not deserve better. We think because of our terrible past, we do not deserve happiness or better days, no, we all do. We look at ourselves in the mirror of life comparing ourselves to others and rather than see the good in us, we see the worst in ourselves. More so, because we do not conform to standards. Because we are not the “IT” girl or guy, because we are not as cool as others or because we do not have a crowd of people following us and nodding family, hanging on our every word. We all at one point or the other in our lives have challenged our worth. One interesting fact is that our worth is usually not affected because of others challenging it. Our worth is usually challenged because we ourselves challenged it. As a writer or speaker or rapper or whatever it is you are doing, rather than put yourself out there to do what you are good at, at try outs when others are hailing you and clapping at the prospects of seeing a new talent, you’re already doubting yourself; am I good enough? Will the crowd like me? What if I slip on the stage and fall? We go ahead to conjure all sort of disastrous images in our head and in the end it happens and then we sink further into our shells because our fears have just been confirmed. We are not good enough. However, you are not good enough because you first believed so, you are worth it when you think you are worth it not because of anyone or anything. As a man thinketh in his heart, so is he.. I don’t know if it’s just me but there are some music I’ve listened to and were like crap, some books I’ve read and went “what’s this? Who is this person disgracing our ancestors?”, I’ve eaten in some restaurants and had a sour taste in my mouth for days. But people keep applauding these musicians with crappy songs, these writers with silly books and the restaurants with bad chefs are frequented by customers! Why? Because they believe in themselves, they believe in what they do and it’s either people accepted them or go home and people did accept them. There is a Yoruba adage interpreted as however you present yourself is how people will present you and address you. This world is such that if you have low self esteem or feel inferior you would be treated that way by all and sundry and if it is the other way round, the treatment will be the same.
More often than not we find ourselves in this position because we believe to be worth it we have to have amassed wealth, be the most intelligent, the most beautiful, the most studious, the most sarcastic. Especially nowadays that the society is well, what it is, we believe we have to be the baddest or “madest” if there’s something like that. We forget that we are enough, that we are beautiful just the way we are, we forget we are smart, we forget we are industrious, we forget we are talented. Trust me, it is easy to forget how amazing you are and get stuck as a result of distractions flying around and the present rush hour in the world. Where everybody seems to be doing a lot, moving around a lot and you just sit stuck up in the same place and you feel haven’t I missed it like this? The fact that you don’t fit into stratas does not mean you are abnormal a lot of us don’t fit in. You should not even want to fit in in the first place. We are human beings, beautiful in our diversity. There is no other person like you, no other person with the same distinct and unique attributes. Therefore, own your person, own your faults, own your attributes, traits and qualities. Define yourself, define your person. You are worth whatever you believe you are worth. Do not compare yourself to others. Develop yourself, believe in your person. Believing in yourself is important, if you want to be valuable you have to believe that you are valuable. This is not just your story, it’s mine too and that of many others so I am not just talking at you but I am writing to us. Sometimes, we let the words of others flow like a stream into our head and shape our perception of ourselves. We think we are not where we want to be because we are not worth it. Because we wish for more, because we haven’t found happiness, we believe we are stuck somewhat that we have lost ourselves, only we haven’t. There is need to focus on one’s self, do away with all distractions and look inwardly, see the beauty, the good, the awesomeness in us that we want others to see, believe in ourselves that we worth it and yield to that believe. We’re all worth it! We are enough!
'Lola Odeyemi's Emporium 